Rewind-n-Play
Saturday, February 4, 2006 (8pm-2am) 21+
Were you busy watching the first game of the World Series on Oct 22, 2005? If so, that means you missed out on Houston Roller Derby's first exhibition game. Don't worry about us beating you up this time, because you can jump into the action and enjoy our DVD from the exhibition bout on Feb 4th @ the Axiom. We'll be having 2 screenings (8pm and 10pm), a silent auction, and live music from DJ Big "E", The Hates, and The Flamin ' Hellcats!
Be sure to bring cash or a blank check for the silent auction items! There will be lots of original art from Houston Rollergirls and even some incredibly talented Houston artists. A few examples of what you can bid on are: photography, rock-n-roll posters, paintings, sculptures, and a "jukebox for a weekend" thanks to the El Oribits!! Don't miss out on your chance to get your hands on unique art!
So, please join us at the Axiom an celebrate the kickoff to our 2006 season (21+)! This outrageous party is $10 at the door. You'll have rollergirls slinging cheap beer, fabulous art to bid on, and some music to rock out too!
We'd also like to thank One More Beer for taking care of the HRD skaters and bands! Thank you!!
What else is HRD up to?
Feb 18th - We'll be skating in the Mystic Krewe of Aquarius Mardi Gras Kickoff Parade in Galveston, TX. Want our beads? You know the drill.....
Feb 18th - A few of our skaters will stay back iinside the loop to participate in the Morning Wood Derby with Rod Ryan and the BUZZ!
Feb 24-26 - Houston is sending 13 finely trained derby girls from across our league to compete in the Dust Devil National Flat Track Derby Tournament! Tucson Roller Derby will host leagues from around the country while these flat-track skaters compete in the first ever tournament to determine the nation's Dust Devil national champion team.
Our most exciting news is almost ready for you all! HRD will be announcing our exciting action packed season details in the next couple weeks. We are just making sure we've dotted our i's and crossed our t's before we release our big news!!! Be sure to watch your mailboxes because you don't want to miss out on this!
Visit http://www.houstonrollerderby.com/for more information!
Monday, January 30, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Friday, January 13, 2006
Roller Grrrls
Roller Grrrls They're tough, fast and back on track
By Keith Plocek
Published: Thursday, January 12, 2006
Send a letter to the editor
Send this story to a friend
The last time Heather Reumert saw her fiancé, he called her a name no woman wants to hear.
It happened about a year ago. They had been dating off and on for a decade, ever since high school. She'd been gaining weight and he'd been treating her like shit. She cheated on him and used the self-esteem boost to dump him. When he found out why, he called her a whore. And that was that.
But it only got worse. He started dating one of her ex-bridesmaids, a friend she'd had since middle school. And guess what? That bridesmaid got pregnant and became his new fiancée, not three months after he and Heather had split. That was supposed to have been Heather's life, but it was gone, and it hadn't fled far.
"After we broke up I lost all hope," she says. "I became the most irresponsible person in the world. It was just bad. I was pretty much at my lowest point."
Heather lost half her friends, threw away a few more and starting drinking a lot. She began a series of questionable, short-lived relationships. And it's not like her home life offered a lot of pick-me-ups: Her parents were deceased, her grandmother diagnosed with throat cancer, and her grandfather not really there.
But one night at Fitzgerald's she learned about an upstart roller derby league. A couple of women were getting together skaters, hoping to create an all-female league on par with one in Austin. Heather had been a dedicated ice-skater when she was a kid, but a broken hip took her out of the game and jump-started her weight problems. Roller derby, she figured, could be a good way to shed some pounds while shaking off her problems. Plus it had that whole hipster retro thing going on. She signed up.
Heather's always been a tomboy, a guy's gal. When she considered checking herself into a mental hospital after finding out her ex-bridesmaid was pregnant, it was a man, the owner of Montrose Skate Shop, who talked her out of it. But it was a woman, another skater who goes by the name Pseudo Punk, who took care of her, nursed her back to health.
And that's when Heather, a.k.a. Rippin' Red, became complete. That's when she became a rollergirl.
Mention roller derby to the average person, and odds are you'll hear "Oh, you mean like wrestling?" But derby began as an endurance contest. When Chicago promoter Leo Seltzer invented the sport in the 1930s, he was trying to draw people away from dance marathons. He had coed teams skate thousands of miles around a large track, traveling roughly the distance between New York and Los Angeles, and a map on the wall showed their progress.
A few years later Seltzer noticed fans got most excited when the participants crashed into each other -- you can blame this learning curve on NASCAR not yet being invented -- and that's when derby became a full-contact sport. Seltzer shrank the track and changed the rules to up the carnage: Now eight skaters, four from each team, circled in a pack while two "jammers" sprinted around, trying to pass as many opposing players as possible (see "The Deal"). The sport took off and Seltzer eventually passed the league down to his son.
Over the years, roller derby did become more and more "like wrestling." Fights were commonplace (and faker than fake), and just about every bout went down to the wire. In other words, the fans loved it. But high overhead costs gutted the league by the early '70s, and several attempts to revive the sport were short-lived.
That is, until 2000, when a group of women in Austin got together and stripped the sport down, making the track flat and the matches real. Originally called Bad Girl, Good Woman Productions, the Austin league was filled with women who were the antitheses of the rollergirls of yesteryear. Gone were the tans, jumpsuits and Farrah Fawcett feathering of the past; in were the tattoos, fishnets and Bettie Page bangs of riot grrrls. They'd come a long way, baby.
(click on the title to read the entire article)
By Keith Plocek
Published: Thursday, January 12, 2006
Send a letter to the editor
Send this story to a friend
The last time Heather Reumert saw her fiancé, he called her a name no woman wants to hear.
It happened about a year ago. They had been dating off and on for a decade, ever since high school. She'd been gaining weight and he'd been treating her like shit. She cheated on him and used the self-esteem boost to dump him. When he found out why, he called her a whore. And that was that.
But it only got worse. He started dating one of her ex-bridesmaids, a friend she'd had since middle school. And guess what? That bridesmaid got pregnant and became his new fiancée, not three months after he and Heather had split. That was supposed to have been Heather's life, but it was gone, and it hadn't fled far.
"After we broke up I lost all hope," she says. "I became the most irresponsible person in the world. It was just bad. I was pretty much at my lowest point."
Heather lost half her friends, threw away a few more and starting drinking a lot. She began a series of questionable, short-lived relationships. And it's not like her home life offered a lot of pick-me-ups: Her parents were deceased, her grandmother diagnosed with throat cancer, and her grandfather not really there.
But one night at Fitzgerald's she learned about an upstart roller derby league. A couple of women were getting together skaters, hoping to create an all-female league on par with one in Austin. Heather had been a dedicated ice-skater when she was a kid, but a broken hip took her out of the game and jump-started her weight problems. Roller derby, she figured, could be a good way to shed some pounds while shaking off her problems. Plus it had that whole hipster retro thing going on. She signed up.
Heather's always been a tomboy, a guy's gal. When she considered checking herself into a mental hospital after finding out her ex-bridesmaid was pregnant, it was a man, the owner of Montrose Skate Shop, who talked her out of it. But it was a woman, another skater who goes by the name Pseudo Punk, who took care of her, nursed her back to health.
And that's when Heather, a.k.a. Rippin' Red, became complete. That's when she became a rollergirl.
Mention roller derby to the average person, and odds are you'll hear "Oh, you mean like wrestling?" But derby began as an endurance contest. When Chicago promoter Leo Seltzer invented the sport in the 1930s, he was trying to draw people away from dance marathons. He had coed teams skate thousands of miles around a large track, traveling roughly the distance between New York and Los Angeles, and a map on the wall showed their progress.
A few years later Seltzer noticed fans got most excited when the participants crashed into each other -- you can blame this learning curve on NASCAR not yet being invented -- and that's when derby became a full-contact sport. Seltzer shrank the track and changed the rules to up the carnage: Now eight skaters, four from each team, circled in a pack while two "jammers" sprinted around, trying to pass as many opposing players as possible (see "The Deal"). The sport took off and Seltzer eventually passed the league down to his son.
Over the years, roller derby did become more and more "like wrestling." Fights were commonplace (and faker than fake), and just about every bout went down to the wire. In other words, the fans loved it. But high overhead costs gutted the league by the early '70s, and several attempts to revive the sport were short-lived.
That is, until 2000, when a group of women in Austin got together and stripped the sport down, making the track flat and the matches real. Originally called Bad Girl, Good Woman Productions, the Austin league was filled with women who were the antitheses of the rollergirls of yesteryear. Gone were the tans, jumpsuits and Farrah Fawcett feathering of the past; in were the tattoos, fishnets and Bettie Page bangs of riot grrrls. They'd come a long way, baby.
(click on the title to read the entire article)
Sales Pitch Scams
I'm on a horoscope mailing list and they've got a scam (or what I think is a scam) going on. Read the below message and see what you think:
Since I started doing your forecast, over 10 months ago, I have been on the look out for something that could dramatically improve your luck.
And I've finally discovered it. It is something that will bring you more luck than you ever dreamed of.
And, it's the same kind of luck that brought Dolores McNamara, a 50-year old mother-of-six living in Limerick City, Ireland, 139,322,500.00 dollars in July!
It's an amulet cast in pure sterling silver, which is then plated in stunning 24 karat Gold and covered with 9 dazzling gemstones. These shimmering stones not only capture and reflect the light and colors that surround them, they have even more fire and brilliance than diamonds.
Even better, this strikingly beautiful, finely crafted piece was designed in a shape with a centuries old tradition of bringing good luck and one that works especially well with your sign...a horseshoe.
But it's no ordinary, everyday type of horseshoe. It's a virtual power plant of good fortune that is fueled by a combination of the three most magically powerful and luck attracting materials known to man...
Gold, Silver and Flawless Gemstones
First, 24 karat Gold is considered the purest and most magically potent of all metals and has been since the dawn of man. And also I might add, the most incredibly beautiful.
In fact, it is said that when priests, shamans or magi wear pure gold, it greatly enhances their ability to enrich those around them by sending forth immense amounts of spiritual and magical power. This is the reason Gold is worn and used in religious ceremonies to this day. What's more, it also has an incredible ability to protect those wearing it, or objects made from it.
It is for this reason, as well as for its incredible beauty that throughout the ages Gold was the material of choice for crafting sacred objects, such as chalices and crosses as well as jewelry.
In addition, for thousands of years people wore Gold to increase their own personal power, courage, confidence and willpower, and still do. (A solid Gold watch still does this today for its owner.) This is the reason it has been so sought after and hoarded. Ever hear the _expression, "money attracts money?" Well before there was money it was believed that Gold attracted Gold. (And this is one of the reasons 24 karat Gold was used to plate this incredible horseshoe as well.)
Second, pure Sterling Silver, the most lustrous and reflective material on Earth, is also one of the most protective. In fact, because of Silver's amazing ability to protect and heal, hospital dressings containing silver are used on burns to prevent infections.
But that is only the tip of the iceberg, because pure Sterling Silver also enhances and empowers psychic abilities and intuitive perception. What's more, Silver's relaxed, reflective energy magnifies the powers of any metals or gemstones used with it.
This means your Horseshoe which was cast in pure Sterling Silver, will magnify Gold's wealth attracting and magical properties many times over, as well as the properties of the 9 special laboratory produced crystals on your horseshoe that have more fire and brilliance than mined diamonds!
These Gemstones are even better than diamonds...
There is also little doubt that a natural diamond is the world's most magnificent gemstone.
They were first discovered in India, though the word "diamond" comes from the Greek word "Adamas," meaning unconquerable (which is why they were treasured by every royal family throughout history).
Additionally, in mythology diamonds were thought to have a cosmic and spiritual power. Add rareness, beauty and virtual indestructibility to the diamond's supernatural properties, and it is not surprising that diamonds have been the most highly valued and coveted material on earth for the last 2000 years.
However, diamonds are simply compressed crystallized carbon. And, ever since Daniel Swarovski built his first laboratory in 1913, for the "cultivation" of his now famous Swarovski crystals, he has produced gemstones with more fire and brilliance and less "flaws" than even the finest diamonds, at a fraction of the cost. Even better, these "gemstones" possess the same mystical properties as their naturally made counterparts:
Power, Strength, Incorruptibility, Longevity, Constancy, and Good Fortune.
This is why Swarovski crystals are the only "gemstones" that will be used in your remarkable Horseshoe. Even more remarkably there are 9 Swarovski crystals on your Horseshoe, because 9 is composed of the all-powerful Triple Triad -- signifying completion, fulfillment, and attainment; in other words, Earthly Paradise. And isn't this what we want luck to bring us?
What this incredible combination of powers will do for you
First and foremost, Lisa, it will bring you the luck that has been missing from your life, and in doing so will restore your confidence in yourself and your ability to be successful. More importantly, it can bring the ability to attract money to you in all forms, be it opportunities to earn it or win it.
What's more, almost over night, it will give you the feeling that you are again in charge of your destiny, success and life.
That is the most important emotional benefit luck gives us. If you don't agree, just think back to the last time something incredibly lucky happened to you. Didn't you suddenly feel totally in control and totally invulnerable? Well, that is exactly what this 24 karat Gold, over pure Sterling Silver Horseshoe, with 9 incredible Swarovski crystals is going to do for you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
To make it easy for luck to find you, you'll getyour first FREE Gift
Lisa, since I want you to keep your incredible Horseshoe with you 24/7, I'm giving you an 18-inch, 18K gold plated chain...absolutely FREE!
This way the luck and wealth-attracting power of your Lucky Horseshoe will always be with you. Plus, since it will be there for all to see...this truly stunning and bedazzling handcrafted masterpiece will bring you many compliments as well.
And so you can benefit from every possible opportunity, I wantto give you your second Free Gift...
"The Secret Trail to Riches" guide book.
This special booklet will show you how to do a simple, yet very effective ceremony to "energize" your golden Horseshoe, so that it will bring you even greater prosperity and luck. It will also provide you with a look at the powerful legends surrounding your Lucky Horseshoe and how you can take advantage of any potential lucky situation.
And because your Lucky Horseshoe is so special, Lisa, I've made sure to include important details about the magical properties of gold, silver, crystals, and the number 9. These special secrets will enable you to harness the most powerful, wealth-attracting amulet of good luck ever created!
After doing your forecast for over 10 months, Iknow how much this will benefit you, so I'm givingyou a third FREE gift -- a $30.00 discount!
Lisa, as I mentioned to you in the beginning of this letter, since I started doing your forecast, I have been on the lookout for something that could dramatically improve your luck, and I believe this is it. So, I really want you to try it out.
That's why I got yours at a very special price of only $29.95! That's a savings of $30.00 or 50% off the price of $59.95 everyone else pays for this magnificent piece.
However, the studio that creates these remarkable golden Horseshoes only has a very small allotment on hand, so if you want to see how much luck this amazing piece can bring you, I suggest you secure yours as soon as possible. And there's no need to worry, because...
You have my Ironclad Guarantee.
If for any reason, at any time, even if it's years from now, you do not feel your Lucky Horseshoe has helped you improve your life, simply send it back to me, and you will receive a full refund immediately, including the shipping and handling...with no explanation necessary.
Your Free Gifts, the 18K gold plated chain, and the booklet however, are yours to keep no matter what!
All you need to do to get the luck to enrich and empower your life and gain the success you always knew you should have, is click the button below.
And remember, no matter what you decide, I am always on your side.
Since I started doing your forecast, over 10 months ago, I have been on the look out for something that could dramatically improve your luck.
And I've finally discovered it. It is something that will bring you more luck than you ever dreamed of.
And, it's the same kind of luck that brought Dolores McNamara, a 50-year old mother-of-six living in Limerick City, Ireland, 139,322,500.00 dollars in July!
It's an amulet cast in pure sterling silver, which is then plated in stunning 24 karat Gold and covered with 9 dazzling gemstones. These shimmering stones not only capture and reflect the light and colors that surround them, they have even more fire and brilliance than diamonds.
Even better, this strikingly beautiful, finely crafted piece was designed in a shape with a centuries old tradition of bringing good luck and one that works especially well with your sign...a horseshoe.
But it's no ordinary, everyday type of horseshoe. It's a virtual power plant of good fortune that is fueled by a combination of the three most magically powerful and luck attracting materials known to man...
Gold, Silver and Flawless Gemstones
First, 24 karat Gold is considered the purest and most magically potent of all metals and has been since the dawn of man. And also I might add, the most incredibly beautiful.
In fact, it is said that when priests, shamans or magi wear pure gold, it greatly enhances their ability to enrich those around them by sending forth immense amounts of spiritual and magical power. This is the reason Gold is worn and used in religious ceremonies to this day. What's more, it also has an incredible ability to protect those wearing it, or objects made from it.
It is for this reason, as well as for its incredible beauty that throughout the ages Gold was the material of choice for crafting sacred objects, such as chalices and crosses as well as jewelry.
In addition, for thousands of years people wore Gold to increase their own personal power, courage, confidence and willpower, and still do. (A solid Gold watch still does this today for its owner.) This is the reason it has been so sought after and hoarded. Ever hear the _expression, "money attracts money?" Well before there was money it was believed that Gold attracted Gold. (And this is one of the reasons 24 karat Gold was used to plate this incredible horseshoe as well.)
Second, pure Sterling Silver, the most lustrous and reflective material on Earth, is also one of the most protective. In fact, because of Silver's amazing ability to protect and heal, hospital dressings containing silver are used on burns to prevent infections.
But that is only the tip of the iceberg, because pure Sterling Silver also enhances and empowers psychic abilities and intuitive perception. What's more, Silver's relaxed, reflective energy magnifies the powers of any metals or gemstones used with it.
This means your Horseshoe which was cast in pure Sterling Silver, will magnify Gold's wealth attracting and magical properties many times over, as well as the properties of the 9 special laboratory produced crystals on your horseshoe that have more fire and brilliance than mined diamonds!
These Gemstones are even better than diamonds...
There is also little doubt that a natural diamond is the world's most magnificent gemstone.
They were first discovered in India, though the word "diamond" comes from the Greek word "Adamas," meaning unconquerable (which is why they were treasured by every royal family throughout history).
Additionally, in mythology diamonds were thought to have a cosmic and spiritual power. Add rareness, beauty and virtual indestructibility to the diamond's supernatural properties, and it is not surprising that diamonds have been the most highly valued and coveted material on earth for the last 2000 years.
However, diamonds are simply compressed crystallized carbon. And, ever since Daniel Swarovski built his first laboratory in 1913, for the "cultivation" of his now famous Swarovski crystals, he has produced gemstones with more fire and brilliance and less "flaws" than even the finest diamonds, at a fraction of the cost. Even better, these "gemstones" possess the same mystical properties as their naturally made counterparts:
Power, Strength, Incorruptibility, Longevity, Constancy, and Good Fortune.
This is why Swarovski crystals are the only "gemstones" that will be used in your remarkable Horseshoe. Even more remarkably there are 9 Swarovski crystals on your Horseshoe, because 9 is composed of the all-powerful Triple Triad -- signifying completion, fulfillment, and attainment; in other words, Earthly Paradise. And isn't this what we want luck to bring us?
What this incredible combination of powers will do for you
First and foremost, Lisa, it will bring you the luck that has been missing from your life, and in doing so will restore your confidence in yourself and your ability to be successful. More importantly, it can bring the ability to attract money to you in all forms, be it opportunities to earn it or win it.
What's more, almost over night, it will give you the feeling that you are again in charge of your destiny, success and life.
That is the most important emotional benefit luck gives us. If you don't agree, just think back to the last time something incredibly lucky happened to you. Didn't you suddenly feel totally in control and totally invulnerable? Well, that is exactly what this 24 karat Gold, over pure Sterling Silver Horseshoe, with 9 incredible Swarovski crystals is going to do for you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
To make it easy for luck to find you, you'll getyour first FREE Gift
Lisa, since I want you to keep your incredible Horseshoe with you 24/7, I'm giving you an 18-inch, 18K gold plated chain...absolutely FREE!
This way the luck and wealth-attracting power of your Lucky Horseshoe will always be with you. Plus, since it will be there for all to see...this truly stunning and bedazzling handcrafted masterpiece will bring you many compliments as well.
And so you can benefit from every possible opportunity, I wantto give you your second Free Gift...
"The Secret Trail to Riches" guide book.
This special booklet will show you how to do a simple, yet very effective ceremony to "energize" your golden Horseshoe, so that it will bring you even greater prosperity and luck. It will also provide you with a look at the powerful legends surrounding your Lucky Horseshoe and how you can take advantage of any potential lucky situation.
And because your Lucky Horseshoe is so special, Lisa, I've made sure to include important details about the magical properties of gold, silver, crystals, and the number 9. These special secrets will enable you to harness the most powerful, wealth-attracting amulet of good luck ever created!
After doing your forecast for over 10 months, Iknow how much this will benefit you, so I'm givingyou a third FREE gift -- a $30.00 discount!
Lisa, as I mentioned to you in the beginning of this letter, since I started doing your forecast, I have been on the lookout for something that could dramatically improve your luck, and I believe this is it. So, I really want you to try it out.
That's why I got yours at a very special price of only $29.95! That's a savings of $30.00 or 50% off the price of $59.95 everyone else pays for this magnificent piece.
However, the studio that creates these remarkable golden Horseshoes only has a very small allotment on hand, so if you want to see how much luck this amazing piece can bring you, I suggest you secure yours as soon as possible. And there's no need to worry, because...
You have my Ironclad Guarantee.
If for any reason, at any time, even if it's years from now, you do not feel your Lucky Horseshoe has helped you improve your life, simply send it back to me, and you will receive a full refund immediately, including the shipping and handling...with no explanation necessary.
Your Free Gifts, the 18K gold plated chain, and the booklet however, are yours to keep no matter what!
All you need to do to get the luck to enrich and empower your life and gain the success you always knew you should have, is click the button below.
And remember, no matter what you decide, I am always on your side.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Unacceptable Behavior?
I told the bossman the other day that he needed to go to this seminar. I failed to mention that his behavior is totally unacceptable and needs anger management courses himself. He throws these hissy fits when things don't go as expected. I've expressed to him before in a perfect world, everything would work out ok but this is far from a perfect world. When I first started working here, I would have to go into the restroom and lock the door and laugh at him. He's torn the door from the hinges because he's so mad that he cannot operate a doorknob. Think I'm exaggerating? He's called employees stupid to their face...if he EVER does that to me, he'll see just how far I can throw a stapler and how precise my aim is...
Friday, January 06, 2006
Catholic Parrots
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him. "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment."You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment."You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!"
A Monkey's Tale
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some Olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table! He swallowed it whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, and then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his arse, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" He asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his arse, pulled them out, and ate em!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first."
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table! He swallowed it whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, and then leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his arse, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" He asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his arse, pulled them out, and ate em!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first."
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
