A Basic Stalking Guide...

Now if I only gave a shit about anyone enough to stalk them, I got the basic guide.
http://www.kistenet.com/leahanne/stalkingguide.htm
The Art of Stalking:
Stalking is often misconstrued by the public as a bad thing. In fact, stalking is an art form that has been practiced by many ancient cultures. In Ancient Japan, stalkers were held in high regard, even above the samurai in some areas. Today, we still have a few remains of the creepy notes they would write to their stalkees in ancient mandarin calligraphy. In Elizabethan England, all of the important people had stalkers. The queen herself was rumored to have up to 46 at one time. Even Shakespeare had a stalker of his own. His stalker died late in 1605, sending Shakespeare into a deep depression, the result of which was Macbeth. The stalker's art continued even into the New World as boatloads of colonists were followed by boatloads of stalkers. The most surprising development awaiting the colonists in America, however, was the discovery that Native Americans also practiced stalking and had been doing so for hundreds of years. The art of stalking has survived through the centuries, but only in modern times is it beginning to be seen as detrimental to society. Part of our purpose with this website is to bring new life to this dying way of life and reintegrate the society of stalkers into the American culture.

For Starters:
Start off slow. If you jump head first into stalking, you'll become too obvious and give yourself away. A gradual transition is best. Slowly immerse yourself into the background of your stalkees life without them noticing. And while you begin this slow process, become an expert on their entire life; the information packet given to you at the beginning will help you start this step. Learn about anything from where they were born to where they want to live, from their license plate number to the expiration date on the milk in their refrigerator, from the color of their toothbrush to the smell of their favorite cologne. Nothing is off limits. If you are going to competently stalk this person, you will need to know EVERYTHING.

Beginner Stalking Techniques:
Pictures-- Snapping candid photos of a stalkee is a favorite pasttime among stalkers. The proper stalker photo is hard to master however. The stalkee, of course, must never be aware that a picture is being taken, so the camera must be hidden away or disguised as something else. The photo must still capture a good portion of the stalkees face and torso, and not be fuzzy or unfocused in anyway. This is a hard combination to achieve, when also concerned about staying out of sight of the stalkee. Each stalker has his or her own way of taking candid photos and it may take you a while to find your own individual style.
Creepy phone calls-- This has become a growing skill for any modern day stalker to invest in learning. The stalker phone call is a very simple and fun way to drop hints for your stalkee that you are, indeed, still around. The actual calls range anywhere from the raspy breathing approach, to the heavily modified voice approach. Accents and different voices are key here. There can be dialogue or you can simply deliver a hurried monologue and quickly hang up. Another offshoot of the creepy phone call that is rapidly gaining popularity is the creepy email. Have fun with these!
Hiding in bushes-- This is a necessary skill for any stalker. Bushes are one of the easiest and most abundant hiding places. The best hiding bushes are those with broad leaves and thick foliage, such as the Rhododendron or the Welch Sepharus. Shrubs, while similar to bushes, are not as ideal, as they are smaller and often require the stalker to lay on the ground to be completely covered. Trees are also useful if you know how to climb them. Remember to make a hole for the camera or recording device before doing any actual stalking. Many a good picture has been ruined by a misplaced leaf. Another thing to be aware of when hiding in the bushes, is your feet. Many times bushes don't adequately cover this area and it can lead to discovery by your stalkee. Make sure to coat your shoes in dirt or greenery of some kind to avoid this.
Shadowing-- This is the real meat and potatoes of stalking. While the above skill of hiding in bushes often factors into this, you need to be able to shadow a person through any type of environment. Learn to use even the slightest object as a barrier between you and your stalkee. Learn to look as if you are inconspicuously absorbed in a newspaper the second they turn around. Learn to keep up with them, even if they break into a dead run.

Advanced Stalking Techniques:
At this stage, you shouldn't need much more help. You've begun to get a feel for your stalkee, and maybe you know them better than even they know themselves. You've probably mastered all of the skills above. Now it's time for you to break out of the routine and challenge yourself and your stalking know-how. Begin subtly taking items from your stalkees residence, small items that will not often be missed, and store them in an appropriate envelope, box, or shrine. Begin stalking the family members of your stalkee as well. Begin collections of hair, earwax or toenail clippings from your stalker. Now that you've reached this stage, the possibilities are endless. Enjoy it.

Happy Stalking!